With one week down, I am feeling both hopeful and uncertain. I have so much work to do to bring us to where I want to be, but I am trying to consciously remind myself that perfection is not the goal.

I started this post while nursing Saoirse to sleep on Friday and I have absolutely no idea where I was going with it, other than to expound upon the certainty of my uncertainty. I have so many questions, but the answer I am seeking is a chorus of, “you’re doing ok!” And, since I am (mostly) asking into the abyss, and the abyss does not know me from Eve, I am not hearing that comforting refrain. What I am hearing (or, reading between the lines) is that if you choose to chart your own course, you have only yourself to answer to. You must make your own comfort, prove yourself to yourself, which, depending on one’s mood, can be liberating or terrifying.

Well, actually, this brings me to my true concern, nestled (hiding) at the heart of my queries, which is, whether or not The City will conclude that I am doing ok. I mean, worst case scenario is that they do not, and I quickly seek shelter under an (aptly named) “umbrella group,” submitting my reviews to peers instead of someone at the department of education. I will do this eventually, anyway, but right now, it isn’t in the budget. (Tax refund! Where are you?)

So, one week down, with crafts, friend time, lots of walks, some cooking and many stories read and told, I feel in my heart that we’re doing a pretty solid, if relaxed Kindergarten curriculum. Of course, we left The City and their school curriculum in first grade, so who knows what they will say about me bringing him back to the Kindergarten level. Actually, I will know soon, because I just paused my blabbering to write them an email. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in worries and ask the wrong questions in the wrong places! Is this just a symptom of life or is this the internet’s fault, somehow?

Anyway, I feel better now. Doing ok!